6.14.2004
bitterness is so lethal. its pervasive, and resistant and damaging. i don't think anyone would say they want to be bitter, would they? and yet that is what keeps capitalism going. or at least one of the big forces of it. our whole culture is dependent on consumerism...consuming and buying and having materials. but are these materials really what we realllly want? or is it other people having them and us not, that makes us go nuts? how can happiness be quantified? how can we allow our happiness to be dependent upon a mass culture that is not created and shaped by the public, but one that is funded and thus "appointed" by those who are wealthy??
it is easier to be told what to like and what to do and what to want. but that is so dangerous, because it becomes comfortable, and then you forget to question, to doubt, to think. and for that reason, consumerism is elevated, and the wealthy stay wealthy or become wealthier, and a hierarchy is established. and those along every rung of the hierarchy want to have more - more wealth, power, stability, materials, luxury, "happiness". but its a lose-lose situation isn't it? that greed doesn't die out when you've obtained "more"...it just keeps getting stronger and stronger.
how that equates to happiness is what i don't get. nyc, of all places, is filled to the brim with ambitious, young, beautiful,...unhappy people. why is the quarter life crisis the most popular book in ny? (ok ok - so i totally made that up - but i bet its up there!!) why are we all unsettled, and not where we want to be? i think it has to alot to do with this system we're in. you fight and fight and fight until you are where you want to be. thats the mentality here. but why must we be fighting? you can't ever let your guard down, or you might miss a step. make more money, get the perfect body, be more groomed, go to a better school, build a better resume.
its hard to step out of that though, when you're so engaged already. and when you do - you feel lost. but that can be the beauty of it. no rules, no regulations. i guess answering the questions, "what do i really want to do?" or "what do i love?" can really be the hardest things to figure out.
6.07.2004
Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think
I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them
alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my
own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were going to save me. Even after
that.
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