9.24.2003
this weekend, specifically this saturday, will be a celebration of a lifetime. one of the happiest days ever...a day that many people have been waiting for. anna and eric's wedding promises to be the most joyous occasions. they are so in love and are able to amazingly spread that love to their surrounding communities. i was just listening to this great song the other day...and it reminded me of them...although you really need to listen to it rather than just read it...because the words themselves are just peripheral and almost superficial without the music...
i am in the wilderness
you are in the music
in the man's car next to me
somewhere in my sadness
i know i won't fall apart
completely
when i need to be rescued
and i need a place to swim
i have a rock to cling to
in the storm
when no-one can hear
me calling
i have you i can sing to
and in all this
and in all my life
you are the lovers rock
the rock that i cling to
you're the one
the one i swim to in a storm
like a lovers rock...
...a semi-accurate chronological list of all the things i wanted to bebe. hmm...i'm probably missing a couple in there. but anywhoo...its interesting to go back and see isn't it. what works and what doesn't for me...
i hope social work is it for me. i'm a little worried. no...a lot worried. what if i can't handle it. it takes a lot more than just the heart to do the job well. i guess thats why i gotta go back to school for that. i'm actually excited to go back to school for it...and i'm taking the next couple of years to prepare myself for it. getting experience is key...and i don't have any. but yea...what if i can't be a resource to anyone...but its all perspective. see thats what i want most...to give people some hope. that people do actually care, that there are resources out there for them too, just not as readily available. but one of the worst feelings in the world...to build up hope and not have it happen. the circumstances for those that utilize social work services are obviously extremely less than ideal. so i wonder...how is my middle/upper middle class upbringing supposed to give perspective. i have had it really lucky. love...shelter...money...food...encouragement...education...sometimes i wonder if will be able to really identify and empathize with the people i'll be working with.
and i can definitely see myself burning out. i do that alot. i get really passionate about something...and then i just burn out. what if i become callous and apathetic. apathy SUCKS. i hate apathy. apathy = lifelessness. its what i feel as i sit here and blog instead of doing the work i'm supposed to be doing. i want to go into social work to somehow avoid ever feeling that. but i feel as if i could hit that point. perhaps thats part of my cycle though of caring...then getting burned out...becoming apathetic...then being disgusted with my apathy...back to caring. so its inevitable? yea maybe.
9.10.2003
a kool korean kat i recently met was telling me how his parents played music in the house all throughout his childhood and how they really know how to get down. in all honesty, hearing that from an asian american really surprised me. i've heard lots of people say that...but never an asian american. now, a lot of us were brought up with classical music and learning how to play a musical instrument. in retrospect, i am so happy i learned, and now i do love classical music. but i'm talking about modern music. music that has shaped the century we were all born in. i would have loved to hear that...or know about it. the first time i heard "modern" music was when i first heard the radio or heard tidbits on tv. but i had no knowledge base for any of it...i am just getting into funk, soul, and old jazz...i have a real thirst for finding music, but i just wish i had more opportunity to when i was younger. not that my parents listened to that stuff...but i know my mom loved the beatles...
when i have children, i want to have music all around all the time. music represents expression and vitality...and those are 2 things i often see lacking in asian culture. and it bothers me to no end.
i've always loved to dance...even when i was a baby, my mom told me i'd shake the crib alot and move around alot. and luckily, my parents never disallowed me to dance. but i almost wish i had been given more direction and push to pursue dancing at a younger age...
not sure where i'm going with this post...but yea...
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