7.29.2002 How I long to fall just a little bit, to dance out of the lines and stray from the light. But I fear that to fall in love with you is to fall from a great and gruesome height... And so for you I came this far, across the tracks, ten miles above the limit, and with no seatbelt--and I'd do it all again.
today i want to be paul van dyk. yesterday i wanted to be oprah. i always want to be lauryn hill. or even j.lo. and i think i want to be mother teresa too. or better yet...gandhi. yea. gandhi...
i really hate my indecisiveness. i think it hinders me on so many levels. i think a huge part is that i just have too many interests, i want too many things, i find so many things attractive. so it takes me a while to filter it all out to decide on that one thing that strikes me as what i want.
another part of it is insecurity...insecurity in not knowing if i made the right choice. so i give myself oodles and oodles of time. but what comes about of all this delay? nothing. absolutely nothing.
well, sometimes it works better for me. but the older i get, i see all these all chances go by.....shoulda woulda coulda. there are just some arenas in my life that i'm not comfortable taking risks. i need clarity...i need to know...i need certainty that things will work out. that things will be ok. but they always are...eventually. they always are. so why don't i just take the plunge?
i daydream about how i can take that kind of plunge...how sad. its as if i have to plan it out in in my head before i can just do it. but i never end up doing what i orchestrated. ok, maybe i'm just boring. that's it!!!
hehe. anyways, tis true...road trips are always fun. did a short weekend trip to toronto with B and his crew. i like them. i really do. so fun and so chill. just cool with whatever. i like that.
i mean i had met them before...but always in some sort of bar/club/lounge environment. so i was surprised that i never felt uncomfortable...maybe it's cuz they have all known each other since the 4th grade or junior high. yea...crazy huh? (i can barely remember my elementary school friends). anyways, they have this family-like aura...without the cheesiness of course.
i would have loved to stay up there for a week or so. i think toronto has so much to offer...but we didn't really have the time to do much. we did get to go to the guvernment...i guess one of the most famous clubs there. it was a really nice, pretty big space...complete with different rooms, an outdoor area, and lasers. it was a great space, but the hip-hop was kind of disappointing. i'm thinking it's known more for its trance & house...kind of like the past Twilo of nyc. but its all good...it was def. fun to see.
i especially love how i didn't spend as much as i expected to spend. woohoo! :O) but yea i def. wanna go back sometime and spend more time there. get a feel for Toronto's personality.
7.25.2002
hi. sorry. i took a long blogging break. din't even realize it...
but i'm back, in full swing.
so, first...THANK YOU to everyone for your birthday wishes. i had an awesome, very memorable 23rd bday. complete with dancing @ Cheetah (possibly my favorite club in ny..dope dj's!!), dinner @ Ruby Foo's, and a facial @ Mario Badescu. WOW. who says bdays get worse???
special thanks to kouk and sailormoon for planning and organizing dinner & dancing. they even had a special bday menu at Ruby Foo's..."in celebration of Leslie's birthday"....aww how sweet! yes i love those cheesy memoirs! and thanks everyone for coming out to celebrate with me. i had such a blast the entire weekend! I especially enjoyed all the ass-grabbing at Cheetah...courtesy of jeyi and caroline...:O)
7.18.2002
i think i've realized something. something that could explain alot of my emotion and anger and disappointment within the past couple of months. and that something is that all my friends are moving on with their lives, and i'm not. at least i don't feel like i am. i've never felt jealous, but i do feel very frustrated that not a single arena in my life seems to be progressing. no job, no dance group, no faith. and sometimes, no spirit. or at least diminished spirit.
even personal relationships have been an issue. what i don't realize is that i have all the time in the world, compared to my working friends. and so every disappointment that i've experienced because of fallen social plans really has been my own faulty lack of perspective. well, maybe that's what this time is for...perspective. i hope so.
i mean i think it's important that there is optimism in friendship. if you can't be optimistic about your friends being reliable, then i think there's an issue. but i think i have too often placed too much importance on insignificant social gatherings.
but i do know that i need to take a break from planning things. i can be good at it, but i also suck at it. it shouldn't be frustrating and that time-consuming. but for me, it ends up being both.
but this time i mean i miss freestyling...going to a club or a party...or just anywhere with dope music, and getting into my own groove. not knowing anything but the music. and entering a place that never lets me down. the only place that never lets me down.
last friday, i went to CentroFly...i had heard a lot about it...that it's the best dance club...and that it's kind of the new Twilo. and it truly is a dance club. so in one my earlier blogs, i guess i was wrong. there are places in ny where people actually go to dance. you know what i mean. not the inhibited lil bops up and down, nor the bodily grinding and freaking. but where people actually feel the music (and not themselves, or other people. hahaha...corny i am)
i guess my first instinct when i hear a good song is to close my eyes, and move with the music. and some days i can do that...and completely shut off everything around me...the people, the noise, the sweat,...the anger, the ambivalence, the insecurity, etc. but some days it's harder, cuz i feel like a fool, plus there's little to no room in most clubs. but at CentroFly...people were definitely in groove mode. ok ok, so most of them were drugged up. but still...it was kind of refreshing in a freaky kind of way.
i found dancing when i was in high school, and to this day...there's nothing else that can sweep me off my feet and carry me into oblivion. that can make me lose all reality-based focus. i know dri feels the same way. i guess passion does that to anybody.
but passion is both my euphoria and my assassin. it truly consumes me. but i know i can't live in that world, and reality inevitably regains its grip on me.
but at the very least, i guess i get a fun night out of it.
7.13.2002
nyc in the summer is soooo great. SummerStage in Central Park is just one of the great free perks of nyc summers. so of course i had to go see Res and Raphael Saadiq today.
so friggin' gooood.
a friend told me that she read online that Saadiq wasn't gonna show. so i wasn't even expecting him...but he did show! yea it was awesome..he began his set with a semi-instrumental of Let's Get Down. and sang some more great old schtuff...like Anniversary...and some newer stuff, like Be Here. he's got a great energy and beaUtiful voice. and then he finally starts singing my all-time favorite Saadiq song, Get Involved......and they cut him off!!!! boooooooooo. big boo. but its ok.....cuz i got his autograph!! haha. they had this lil Virgin store booth, where he signed autographs and took pictures...why oh why did i forget my camera today. oh wells...
and then Res came on. she was just brilliant...she too has a unique energy and really gorgeous voice. i was so impressed by her. mikey got me to check out her a little bit ago. (thanks mikey!!) i really like her breakout song, "they-say vision"...but her album, How I Do, is really probably the most versatile album i've heard yet. she mixes so many genres of music--soul, r&b, hip-hop, alternative rock, roots reggae, acid jazz, folk, drum 'n' bass...and it sounds awesome. i think cross-genre music is really difficult to do well. it often sounds forced and discombobulated (is that a word??). yet she does it so naturally. her music is fun and personal and funky and rebellious and sweet and dynamic and fluid...
read her bio. it's so interesting. cuz she's produced by Doc, the same producer of Esthero...another great artist mikey introduced me to. Res is classically trained as a musician, and starting singing italian arias from operas from age 14. and before signing with mca records in '99, she was asked to join Groove Theory...but rejected the offer cuz it wasn't exactly what she was looking for.
7.12.2002 This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and the crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body...
in the blog below i wrote..."i go to get my groove on (by myself thank you)...". that was in the context of how i'm not big on "freaking." not that i go to clubs alone. altho that'd be interesting. maybe i should try it sometime. or maybe not. ny is not quite the dance club scene. that's more california i'm thinking. that's another great thing about cali...people go to clubs to dance. wat a breath of fresh air.
7.09.2002
many of you have probably seen this...but i just got this email forward from a friend...
subject: classic
The update
Well...Mr. Casey O'Brien showed up at my door at about 8:15ish. Sporting a pair of cute jeans, a button up and a black jacket. For his outfit I would give him about a B. As for looks, he was cute but on the shorter side and his hair was a little too long. Far from a mullet but longer than I would prefer but let's not dwell on that because he can kinda get away with it. So for looks, I would probably give him another B. Car-BMW, like I stated before. A great car, he'll have to get and A for that. He gets an A+ for his manners and politeness. Marcie, he opened the car door everytime! Super polite. Overall general appearance will cap at a B+. AS for the place we went to, another "A". The Tasting Room is an excellent date place. I was never the wine connoisseur but I'm gradually thinking I could become one. We had 4 glasses each of different white wines and a cheese flight, which was the perfect food mecca to go with the wine. Place is awesome, I recommend all of you guys to attend this place for a night out with your man/woman. We also headed over to this place called the Black Duck. Another great place! The date place itself gets an overall "A". By the way Girls- this summer we must hang out on Randolph, so many awesome places! I can go into great detail of what we talked about and such but,that would make for an extremely long email. The date ended with me getting intoxicated but not like crazy intoxicated,but I was drunk. No hangovers. I'm assuming he was fairly intoxicated but since he was driving, I didn't want to know, so I never asked. By the way, as for myself, I get an overall A+ for how damn cute I looked. I sported a pair of fun longer Capri pants from Guess in a darker khaki color with my white shirt from Hanger 18, that has my lower back showing with my new cute fitted black jacket with empire sleeves from Armani. I was a BABE. He didn't stand a chance. My worries of not being cute were so swept under the rug with the outfit I pulled off last night. Before jumping to any conclusions, YES, I stayed the night, only because I semi passed out on his couch and he was polite to ask if I wanted to head home and I just said he could take me home in the morning, NOTHING happened. Honestly only a kiss derived from this date and it didn't even happen at his place. I believe it might have been executed at the Black Duck but I'm not so sure on the exact time and location. But can I add, GREAT kisser. The date kiss gets an "A". Really, I haven't had that great of a kiss since,well we won't go there but it has been a long time. I might have to go with the fact that I might have mastered the skill of French kissing, no joke. As long as I have potential to work with, I can execute a pretty intense kiss. Lauren- you would have loved Casey's attitude. Actually I think all of would have appreciated how he called me out on my stupid logic of thinking. Somehow, it came up on how random it was for us to meet and shit and how when he said the very first time we talked for me to give him a call and my response was, "Really, I'll let you know now, I won't call you, so I suggest you write my number down and give me a call". Hence the wait of a week or so for his first initial call was due to my shallowness or whatever you would like to call my way of playing the field. Doesn't really matter, he still called and I didn't. So, question is, where do I stand on the whole outlook of Mr. Casey O'Brien and the date...The car, the money, the job, the cute apartment, the boat-which by the way only seats 6 people, so I really don't consider that really amazing, his mannerism and his great kiss will probably lock in another date but...I can tell you now unless he cuts his hair and sends me gifts, it won't lead me to seek anything more than my 1st 30 year old FRIEND (Oh by the way, I think he's only 29, but still, I'm rounding up). Plus, the summer is just around the corner and guys are EVERYWHERE, I need to keep the options open and my schedule free to lock in some other great summer flings...Well, I hope you've enjoyed the day in the life of Miss Jackie Kim and please feel free to comment on my date, my outfit, the kiss, or whatever else. If you need any more major details of the date please contact me in one of the following ways: phone, email, personal visit or text messaging. Oh, I might be heading to a Cubs game with him next week. We'll see. Oh by the way ladies- His cute friend Brian, is single and also a day trader. Which by the way, being a day trader is pretty money, literally in a sense but he gets to throw on lounge wear for work and is home no later than Noon. Are you kidding me? Where was being a day trader on career day in Elementary school?
umm...at least she knows what she wants...?????
ugh. forREAL. say it with me. gold digger.
its these types that give the female gender a bad rep. it's not even her bold statements...its the ease with which she makes them. and what pisses me off is that these girls (yes girls...not women) will always get guys. good guys. and inevitably hurt them, in search of finer gold.
but i'm curious at the same time. only in the sense that...wat's revealed is really a girl who is utterly confident about her game. and so maybe i'm kinda disgusted by this...cuz i don't know how to play the game. heck..i just recently learned about the game. i guess in a city like new york...it's hard to miss. i think for awhile i kinda wanted to get in on it too. i thought...i can do this. i gotta get out there if i'm gonna eventually meet mr.right...rite?
but inevitably...trying to meet guys at bars and clubs and lounges really doesn't cut it. it doesn't work...the noise and atmosphere really aren't conducive to talking. i go to get my groove on (by myself thank you) and hear dope tunes. not to drink or network or meet people. i hate it when strangers come and try to freak you. i guess i'm just not a fan of "freaking" in general. but that's besides the point...
i dunno...maybe i'm too traditional in that way... ?? maybe i'm too idealistic. i think i'm just getting impatient. i just need to let it flow.
allz i need is a bulldog and i'll be happy. ha. :O)
7.05.2002
so i'm at home in maryland now. it's always nice to come back home...i def miss the suburbs sometimes. my mom is renovating the house...it's really nice. but it's not the same household i grew up in. everything is different...kitchen, basement, bedrooms, bathrooms, yard, you name it. but the one thing that remains in the same place is the piano. :O) i think playing the piano is right behind dancing, in terms of the best ways to calm and release me. i need to invest in a keyboard in the near future...
i digress. haha. so yea...my mom has been renovating, and that means my old bedroom has and will continue to undergo major reconstruction. so as i was rummaging thru my old letters and cards, i found this origami-like folded note from middle school...
To Leslie
DON'T LET ANYONE READ THIS -->
after you are done reading this tear it up!
and the inside:
Leslie-
Yesterday Nicole called Kenny to ask him who likes me. See Kenny told me a while ago someone liked me. I didn't believe him because well I just didn't. I told Nicole about it because we were talking about Ben. So she said I have an idea--I'll call him (Ben). She did and he wouldn't tell. But he said Nick Adasi or Justin someone. I don't know who might know. We don't know who it could be. Do you? Nicole asked Kenny if it was Jon, he said I'm not tellin'. I can't believe she asked him. Now he is going to think I like Jon. Don't get me wrong, he is really cute, but I don't think I would go out with him. So I have to get Kenny to ask me about it so I can tell him. Nicole thinks he acts like he likes me. Write Back!!
Mary
hahahahha. man i haven't really matured have i....ha...
7.03.2002
hmm...ok weird..i can't edit the blog below....but i'll finish here...
Breakbeats was awesome. just what i've been looking for...
it was my first time in the bronx...so i was a lil nervous that i'd get lost. but it was right off the 6 line, at The Point, this lil community center on the outskirts of a cute residential neighborhood. so i'm nearing the corner of garrison & manida, and Crazy Legs himself points me to the right entrance!! not that i would have missed it, since the music was blasting just 15 feet away...but regardless. seemingly, Crazy Legs is the most prolific community organizer for Rock Steady. he didn't perform =( i guess he's definitely aged, but it would have been great to see him live anyway.
i got there at the perfect time--the battles were just about to begin. the setup: 2 on 2 battles...winners take $200. (yea as you may have guessed it wasn't a huge event, prob. about 100 attending.) about 8 or 9 teams of 2, representing ~ 5 crews in the area battled. the b-girls represented too! some young, some older...some very amateur, some very experienced. but there were some talented talented boys there...so incredibly creative and energetic. a real mix of finesse, dancing style, and power moves.
there were 2 duos that struck me...a sacramento vs. la if you will. la: Chino & Suitkase, from the Breaks crew. sacramento: surprise surprise i can't remember their names. i suck...cuz i thought they shoulda won. they were from either the Headz crew (?) or new jersey devils crew. anyways, let's call em Com & Bibby. Suitkase was the most unique...he could do all these awkward freezes. thus, he's Suitkase, aka rubber bandit. Chino is your typical energetic, experienced, awesome breaker. a lot of technique, a lot of power, good dancer. "Bibby" was the one with a whole lot of potential. already awesome and skilled..but not that clean yet. but he came out real strong in the end...with this amazing straight-body headspin. twice. and "Com"...he was my pick...just like Chino, he's your comprehensive breaker. but with a lot more creativity and attitude. cleaner and stronger too. purely creative.
so my commentary kind of lacks any substance. but hopefully i will get to go to more battles...learn more terminology.
the rock steady 25th anniversary is coming up at the end of july. it's this 4 day celebration...including breaking, popping, locking, & emcee battles, a celebrity bball game, film festival, and performances. depending on whether toronto pans out (if i can afford it or not)...i may go to some of the anniversary events. i think abc has been before and said they were awesome.
7.01.2002 Breakbeats was awesome. just what i've been looking for...
it was my first time in the bronx...so i was a lil nervous that i'd get lost. but it was right off the 6 line, at [ de-leslie
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aaagh...wats going with my page...? is it screwy on your all's pages too??
anywhoo. this is a risky blog. now that i've been promoted to 1st tier on hyperwest. (thanks jon!! guess you got my check. ha.) oh wells...here we go...
the hype for jamba juice needs to go. i mean its good and all. but i've had better. they give you way too much. ok i guess that's not a negative. but it's 90% ice. and theres too much sugar too. show me the FRUIT!! i mean i know they use real fruits. but for some reason, it tastes artificial to me. it ain't no real smoothie.
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