its still a crime he din't go earlier. i don't care what the critics say. but i won't complain, i can't complain now.
ooh, but picture this: Dixon drafted by the Nuggets. Clyde and Juan unite. it'd all be over. over i say. i know you all know it's true too. heehee hahha whooo!!
6.26.2002 Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
Always putting off my living for tomorrow
It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith
It's been illusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my faith
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found
Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me
Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen
It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith
It's been illusive for so long but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my faith
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found
Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me
I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be.
Strength, courage, and wisdom
It's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, wisdom
It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:
Strength, courage, and wisdom
To find me, yeah,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me
I found it in me, I found it finally
I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you
a general pet peeve: when people say they will do something, and don't actually do it.
don't say it if you're not going to do it. it's so simple. and that applies to any context.
unreliability. i think i've often been guilty of that. and i apologize to anyone that has been a victim of that. but when i recognize that in others, it really disappoints me. i understand circumstances change. no doubt. but when it happens over and over and over, i think it becomes a significant issue.
6.23.2002
its confirmed. she has the sweetest, richest, most soulful voice. i dunno what it is about it that makes me stir and dance inside. but tonite, i heard it live...and it was oh so real and even more beautiful than i could expect.
it's always neat to see an artist's progression. i guess lots of artists go thru a period of contemplation about their commercialized image. and eventually find themselves in their music again and again and again. and her renewal is plain simple acoustic. yes...simple. maybe not that musically dynamic. but more personal, fluid, and lyrically focused. she doesn't want to be a performer anymore...
she lets you in. she always has...most artists do. but esp. in the music industry, most don't know how to deal with the effects of doing that. and that's where a re-evaluation or re-birth needs to take place. during the concert, she said, "when you make yourself vulnerable...you realize just how real the enemy is...". that def. hit me hard. and i think many others too.
she's not just a pop image. i mean she could be your mtv icon. she's got that mainstream thing going on. but who cares.
i can't get over it. i think cuz no one's voice, and voice alone , has ever gotten to me so much. but that she's much much much more than that too...
this is great thing. took me awhile to finally get to it. glad i did. what would i do with out you jon!!
here's just a sneak preview:
on souls Posted on May 10, 2002 at 22:47:40 by jon
i've been emailing helen about souls. and we've been trying to figure out if there is indeed a "soul." and what it does. and what purpose it might serve. and trying to keep the religious and spiritual aspect of it along with the biological sides.
so far we're working on what it does. and where it goes. and what does that portend for dead people. the best answer i've hit upon is that a soul is like a force. much like magnetism or electricity. it is just there, and it appear if you contruct the proper vessel, eg. humans or animals.
this all stemmed from a talk about artificial intelligence and such. thoughts?
Re(1): on souls
Posted on June 22, 2002 at 17:49:38 by leslie
i think a soul is someone's center. well, at least for me it is. so i see my soul as my center, what keeps me together. and also i think it is often where mind & spirit come together.
i think i'm often attracted to a person's soul. or what i perceive as their soul. well first, i'm initially attracted to someone's spirit. but then, you get to know them more...strip their layers. and you have a sense of their soul.
so yea i like the idea of a soul being like a force. but i think a very gentle force. and very natural.
and so its only appropriate that our physical bodies perish, but that our souls remain.
Re(1): on souls
Posted on May 29, 2002 at 11:53:27 by andri
i don't think i've seen a lot of people's...or maybe that's just what i termed for myself "life force". It's only cuz I'm not all that much around people anymore on a consistent basis enuf to see them at very emotional/passionate moments. I think in the past 4 years, I've only really seen two--both within this past year. See what fuels them in their drive for life.
Re(1): on souls
Posted on May 14, 2002 at 01:46:17 by dpma
woah... now we're get'in to some real juicy discussion.
this is what dictionary.com came up with:
1) The animating and vital principle in humans, credited with the faculties of thought, action, and emotion and often conceived as an immaterial entity.
2) The spiritual nature of humans, regarded as immortal, separable from the body at death, and susceptible to happiness or misery in a future state.
3) The disembodied spirit of a dead human.
4) A human
i like the last one... the soul is simply a human. i tend to agree with the simplest theory.. and that it the soul is what makes us human. i dont believe that dogs have souls, nor fish or Playstations. i think that's what makes us different.
what does it do? the christian side of me says that the soul is our insides, the voice in our heads, our feelings and emotions... most importantly.. it's the ability to choose, or free will... is a part of our soul.
my old pre-christian thought was that the soul is what kept the things that science could not explain in the human body. the brain, while being a great calculator... could allow feelings... tears and smiles... pain and hapiness... this is what the soul provides.
where does it go? pre-christ? like electricity... it goes into the surrounding things.. it just.. leaves when we die..
post-christ? the soul goes up or goes down... after being judged...
purpose? the purpose of the soul is to use the body that God has given it to live life to the fullest on Earth and to try and bring as many people as possible to Christ. at the end of life, the soul leaves the body and Earth behind to life eternity with Jesus.
6.21.2002
bored as all hell. today is an apathetic day. i hate these days. can't decide what to do. how to feel. and i just...be. bothers me to no end. i think for some stupid reason, i need these days to be motivated the next day. to have sufficient evidence that i am a bum.
i hate it when people tell me, "you're always so happy." i'm not, you idiot. no offense to anyone. but that's what i'm thinking when someone says that...i guess it's a compliment. ??
ok, for the most part i'm happy. easy going. but obviously people have emotions. so let's just all face that fact. together. thanks.
6.20.2002 numerology. viv sent me the link to this site. very very interesting...i mean this could definitely apply to many people. but there are some decently accurate statements (as well as some non-accurate ones)...go try it! if anything, it will boost your confidence =P
For Name: Leslie Chang Liao
(Note: For best results, use the exact spelling as first recorded at birth.)
You yearn to serve the world; to "broadcast" your self, your talents, and your emotions; and to give the benefits of your knowledge and experience to all. You dream of a world with understanding, harmony, and trust as the norm.
Many find you attractive. Although you can have an impersonal attitude, many people dearly Love you. You are compassionate and impressionable. Because you have boundless faith in your own source of supply, you tend to give of yourself without thought about your own impoverishment.
You have the innate wherewithal to be an inspired artist, poet, inventor, or psychic; you have accurate and intuitive prophetic abilities, and desire to use your talents for universal benefit.
To be a more effective humanitarian, be more definite in your thoughts and actions and acquire more control over your emotions.
Your thoughts are often on others and their needs, especially those close to you, and this is observed through your projected personality. You are seen as one who is responsible, in service to others, and trying to establish emotional harmony. Sometimes you are seen as a fatherly or motherly type. It is observed that you are capable of deep affection and sacrifice.
When meeting new people, you tend to be either suspicious or gullible, sometimes switching between the two in succession. When threatened emotionally, you can be seen as defending yourself to near irrationality.
You enjoy good clothes of good material, and like to be comfortably dressed. To enhance this personality, you should always be well-dressed and give thought to the way you look, rather than giving it the lack of importance or carelessness as is your tendency.
Your family adores you; not only for the beautiful, artistic home you create for them, but also for the responsibility you assume for keeping perfect order. There are flowers in your garden, and music and artistic works are around you. You are known for your hospitality.
Your thoughts and pleasure are yourself as the comforter to all, and the adjuster of inequities. ;
You are a humanitarian, like a "cosmic" Mother or Father. People look to you for ideals of love and companionship, charity, truth, justice, and harmony and beauty of surroundings. Your ability to help individuals and humankind is definite and sincere, and you are called upon to do so. Your personal happiness depends on how much good you can do. You find pleasure in rendering assistance to others.
You are happiest with a position of trust and responsibility which you can regulate, harmonize, and adjust to optimum. You are concerned with the care of the old, the training of the young, and the improvement of the entire community. Selfless service pays rich dividends for you.
You are a natural counselor and teacher......
6.19.2002 random: listening to jars. and it references you. in two ways.
"Someday He'll call her and she will come running and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray, "I want to fall in love with You." "
one of my best friends wrote this to me awhile back. and it's funny, cuz i feel the same way. it's always been a roller coaster: me and God. i've been so distant, but also so immersed in Him at different times in my life. and now, i just don't know. at the very least tho, i feel Him, i know He is always present and guiding me. but what form He takes, what "religion," if any, does He belong...i have no idea. it used to bother me to no end...probably cuz i grew up in a Presbyterian setting...
but i'm definitely not in love with Him. and i do want to be. i just don't know how...but i'm thinking the first step is getting to know Him more. but how do i do that when i don't know much more than the fact that I believe He exists.
i'm always looking for love. ideal love. and i'm always eventually disappointed...not in the person per se. just in the fact that ideal love from humans is pretty much impossible. so i'm always looking in the wrong places. i guess the best answer, in this context, is to find it in God. cuz really it's been right in front of me my whole life. but it's not that simple. not sure why it's not that simple, but for some reason with me, it's not...
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
6.17.2002
i don't really understand how people can so wrapped up in celebrities' lives. for example, my sister won't see anymore Tom Cruise movies, just because she thinks he was horrible to Nicole Kiddman. i dunno...i guess i find it pointless to listen to media and entertainment news....how do they really know? i don't know about you...but i don't watch an actor cuz i like him personally. how can you presume to know someone thru anything but frequent personal contact?
6.15.2002
ok for the record, kouk's computer got a virus. preventing me from blogging daily. jon...move me up!
new york city, as exciting as it is, is really getting to me. it used to be rare, but the moments i find myself more annoyed or lonely are increasing. the city has so much to offer, and i really can't complain about it--i mean i do get to live IN the city. but i feel like so many of the things that are so unique and rare to the big apple just cost too much money. all the different shows, the great restaurants and bars...even the museums are expensive. but i know if i moved out to Queens or Brooklyn, i'd always want to go the city...
but the great thing about brooklyn, queens, or the bronx is that there's a much more prolific breaking scene. when i moved out to nyc i expected to be able to find breaking spots in the city...but really i haven't found any. all the clubs/bars are shi-shi (how do you spell that?), "dress to impress" on the weekends. i mean of course its fun to get all dressed up...but that gets real old. i just want to be comfortable...all i ask is to be able to wear sneakers. thats it. there are some nites at certain hiphop spots that are casual...but those are always on a tuesday or wednesday, right smack dab in the middle of the week. boo.
not that i'm a breaker or anything. ha. but i'd love to see more, absorb more, learn more. in that respect, i wish i was a guy. i mean i know there are some amazing girls out there, but cuz of the lack of opportunity, i haven't seen enuff battles and what not...and actually witnessed girls that are just as good as guys. guys have such a physical advantage...more natural upper body strength. same thing with basketball. i mean GO WNBA. but i really can't sit and watch a wnba game and be that enthusiastic. its just not the same. not as dynamic, not as exciting, and not as much finesse.
6.13.2002
unemployment can really suck...
i don't know how to sell myself. i hate trying to sell myself. i can't sell myself.
JUST GIMME A CHANCE!!!
ok so i tell myself...get over yourself. and realize that you've learned a lot too...
patience it's all about "finding the right fit"...
that is true...but that mentality will only pull you thru a couple of months.
so I have to have true, unrelenting patience....lou just got the job he wanted from an interview he had back in October of 2001. so i guess there's always hope.
diligence i hate all things monotonous and routine. (who doesnt?) and just like studying, job searching is often too monotonous for me to do on a daily basis. but i need to be diligent if i'm going to find a job in a decent timeframe.
direction thru all the searching of job posts and listings, i'm definitely getting a clearer idea of what i want to be doing and what i CAN do. what fits my personality, skills, etc...
misc
the very best thing about being unemployed is the time. I mean having so much time is also what kills me...but then there's so much i want to explore/read/experience. so i know while i should take advantage of the time. of course the lack of monetary means often presents a problem in that area...=P
keep your fingers crossed everyone. i find out about a job--one that i want--tomorrow....
so i've entered the blogging world. *whoops & hollers*
THANK YOU JON to making this beaUtiful blogpage for me!!
how exciting. at least i hope so--everyone keeps telling me the novelty wears off quickly. and quite honestly, that was what i was afraid of. and it was one reason that kept me from starting one. i've recently realized that i'm so indecisive because i maybe think too much about the decision. options. consequences. alternatives. but i'm starting to realize that there are some decisions that are so insignificant that really do not need the full analytical process. such as starting a blog.
that brings me to today. wahoo!
i like all the sharing that goes on between blogs. the sharing of thoughts, music, words, etc...esp. of quotes/poetry. and i'll prob. be doing alot of that. i tend to get inspired easily....
jelly bellies are one of life's simplest joys. so much flavor, and such accurate flavor. yummm. go to the site and get free samples!!
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